Evacuation of Uterus

 

Consent for Operation

The gynae asked me to sign the paper after I told him that I want to abort my baby.  At that time, the foetus was just 6 weeks old.  I signed the paper and was asked to pass the paper to the nurse.  It was mention that the nature and effect of the surgery was explained to me.  In actual fact, nothing was explained to me.  No explanation from the gynae.  No explanation from the nurse.  So I asked the nurse, what is the effects of the surgery, she did not tell me.  

In my mind was to  just abort the baby.  So I did not ask more already.  

I killed my baby on 8 October 2002

I don't know what effects the abortion will have on my body.  I don't know how it will affect me spiritually too.  I just knew that my sister had abortion before and she was fine.  So I should be fine too.  I thought that abortion is okay.  It did not occur to me that I was killing my baby at that time.  

I learned from my sister that in SGH, if you want to abort the baby, they will try to stop you from doing it.  They let you watch a video on how life is formed.  Over here at the clinic, nothing was done to stop me at all.  I think it was all fated anyway.  

After the abortion, the doctor helped me to insert IUD into my womb.  It is a birth control method recommended by the doctor.  For a few years, it was inside my uterus until 18 November 2004 whereby my IUD was removed.  The gynae said my body was rejecting the IUD.  So after that I had no birth control methods.  

In the year 2006, we slowly went back to the church, because my children started primary schools and I wanted them to start catechism class.  Going to church, I had totally forgotten that I had committed mortal sins and could not receive Holy Communion.  I received Jesus still... and in the end, I was felt broken.  Slowly I was on my way to conversion in the year 2007, and in the year 2008, I encountered God who told me about the existence of purgatory.   I went to church for confession and had my sins absolved and back home, I had the most wonderful bath of all -- I was reborn again in water and spirit...

I was pregnant again in 2008

After God and Jesus came, how can I repeat my same mistake?  I kept my baby at all cost in the year 2008, giving birth to a healthy baby in the year 2009.  

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Destiny

 

2002: Family Photograph taken at Genting Highlands

I thought that Destiny lies in our hands but in actual fact, destiny lies in God's hands. 

We were separated for 2 years.  He had a new girlfriend before Clara was born.  I was so devastated and lost at that time when I gave birth to Clara.  However, Clara's birth was the easiest and very natural.  There was no need for vacuum suction and forceps.  I tried to give breastmilk, but too stressful.  So for Clara, she drank more of commercial milk that the maid helped to make.  

During the 2 years of separation, later on I had two relationships.  Christopher was very good to me.  However, Richard learned about it.  Then he desired to come back.  Was that the result of my prayer? It must be.  I never knew he would come back.  

So when he came back, we went Genting Highlands for vacation.  The above photograph was taken there.  I thought that that was our family photograph... 

 

Photograph of Richard and I taken on 30.4.1995 at St Joseph's Church (Bukit Timah)

I was brought up in Singapore, a typical Singaporean who is law abiding. We got registered on 7.1.1995 and we planned to have 2 children, one boy and one girl as what the government always shown in campaigns, 2 is enough.  At that time, we had everything planned, 2 children to be born 2 years of age gap so that I could bring them together to school and bring them back after school.  Last time the education system is such that there were 2 sessions -- morning and afternoon.  

But I was wrong.  Education system changed.  Nothing is forever the same.  Everything changes with time.  Soon there was only one session of school.  There were no more afternoon session.  

Knowing Richard, going dating with him and going to vacation and so on, we encountered fortune tellers.  Some we approached, some (or rather one or two) just came to us.  In my memory what the fortune teller said was in my mind.  But I just could not believe.  I decide everything myself and I control everything myself.  How is it possible that I can have 3 children?  That was what the fortune teller told me -- "You will have 3 children."  He added that Richard will have more children than me.  He said that Richard would be rich while I had just enough money to spend.  I will encounter help in my life.  I just could not believe so much about this fortune teller after he said I will have 3 children.  It seems too many for me...  

Family Planning: I did not know that Catholic is not supposed to use condom, but that was what we used to do.  At times Richard would use the natural method of counting the safe period.  But I got pregnant in the year 2002!  Who control our hormones now I think of that and who control our cycles?  Clara was conceived naturally since we wanted two children, and even having 2 before the age of 30 so that we can be waived from income tax (the policy at that time).  

The 2 children were still young and I was pregnant again!  It was torturous to be pregnant.  Being pregnant, I would have to lie down most of the time.  I could not do much work.  Thinking of that and my 2 other children need me, I did not know what to do.  Then suddenly a thought came to my mind:  "My sister also have abortion before!  And look at her, nothing happened to her!"   With this thought, my mind was make up.  

Soon I put IUD (a kind of family planning) inside my womb, as suggested by the doctor.  However some years later, it gave me problems and the gynae said it was rejecting from my body.  So it was taken out.  And from then on I am 'natural' again.  

And so the years passed by until Jesus came...

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