Lamb of God

 

Jesus carrying the lamb picture at Church of St Anthony of Padua

My mother has four children.  My elder brother married young, and gave birth to their children very young also.  I was always fascinated with the chinese horoscope, the twelve zodiac animals.  I found out all the zodiac animals for every one in the family.  For all the newborn, I found out the zodiac animals too.  I told my mother that we have so many zodiac animals in our family, some even repeats eg.  My father and Eddy are both tiger,  Belinda, Thomas and Valerie are dogs.  What is missing in the family?  The goat.  The Lamb is missing.  

The initial Family of Six

I was pregnant in the year of the horse, 2002, but aborted the baby then.  If I had persevere and kept the baby, he would be born in the year of the goat, 2003.  However, I killed the lamb.  It was the lamb of God I killed... Then in the year 2008, Jesus saved me, the lost sheep...

Then in the year 2003, we bought Cebest, our special schnauzer dog.  Cebest was born in 2003, 2 May 2003, the year of the goat!  He was taken away unexpectedly to meet God in the year 2006.  

I also found out later on that my father-in-law was a 'goat', born on Valentine's Day even!  14.2.1943 if I am not wrong... He died on 30 November 2015...

My father-in-law carrying Isaac, 15 June 2011

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Cebest

 

Photograph of the family in 2003

Life is so unpredictable.  One moment he was gone, another moment he came back.  Then now he is gone again.  Now, he is remarried...  I bought a Schnauzer for him in the year 2003.  Woe to me, I bought a dog instead of keeping a baby!  I never know that I would have 3 children next.  I never know that Cebest had such a short life also...

Ah Kew, his friend, happened to have a car that day.  Richard borrowed the car, and we went to see dogs at Pasir Ris.  We came across the only 'black' Schnauzer there, so cute and loveable.  It was love at first sight.  So I bought it for him.  Back home, we thought of a name for him.  'See the best' which is Cebest.  We paid only $2000 at that time to buy Cebest.  

Photograph of Cebest lying on the bed

Now, Isaac wishes to have a dog.  We went to the pet shop to see dogs.  He likes a Dachshund so much.  I asked the shopkeeper for the price and it was so incredible.  A Dachshund now cost $13000!!!!  It was simply too expensive.  We could not afford it.  And Isaac was so sad.  

Anyway, we had Cebest with us for 3 years.  We lost him after the yearly vaccination.  After vaccination, one day, he saw 'something' coming in from the main door.  He was barking non-stop at the air.  He saw something which we could not see.  The 'thing' came into our room.  He followed.  Then after that his health deteriorated.  The 'thing' might be the death angel that came to bring him away from us.  He always hide in the store room and his appetite was no good.  He refused to eat.  I wanted to bring him to the vet, but Richard said, "wait and see."  But in the end, in the early morning, dawn time, we had to rush him to the vet, which was too late.  He died at the clinic.  

 

 I was so sad for weeks.  It was the year 2006 that we lost him.  After that we do not have anymore dogs in our lives.  In the year 2007, I had occasions where my legs 'kick' on something at the end of the bed.  I also heard bells.  It seemed that Cebest had come back.  I was 'converted' as well.  And in the year 2008, my faith had saved me...

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Holy Communion

 

Family photograph taken before the year 1988

Every time when I mention about Holy Communion, I would remember my paternal grandmother.  She is sitting with my grandfather in the photograph above.  What is Holy Communion?

Photograph of me receiving Jesus the first time, My First Holy Communion

Even though I was taught about this Holy Communion in Catechism:

On the night He was betrayed, Jesus took bread and gave it to His disciples, and said, "Take this, all of you, and eat it: This is My Body which will be given up for you."

When supper was ended, He took the cup.  Again He gave thanks and praise, gave the cup to His disciples, and said, "Take this, all of you, and drink from it: this is the cup of My Blood, the Blood of the new and everlasting covenant.  It will be shed for you and for all so that sins may be forgiven.  Do this in memory of Me."

I was not aware that I was receiving Jesus at that time.  It was just bread I received in my mouth then.  It got soften with saliva and I just swallowed it.  After that, I went to the pew to pray.  So every time we go church, this is the main thing that we do, the reason why we go church.  

Our Lord changed bread and wine into His Body and Blood and offered Himself to God.  This was a sacrifice.  This was His Body to be offered on the Cross.  This was His Blood to be shed for the forgiveness of sins.  He told the Apostles that He would die on the next day.  That would be the bloody sacrifice on the Cross.  

But Jesus wanted this unbloody sacrifice to continue on earth till the end of time.  When He told the Apostles to do as He had done, He made them priests and gave them power to offer this sacrifice.  

So when I was young, I often saw my grandmother asking the priest to give her Holy Communion, whether it was mass time or outside mass timing.  She always liked to come to our house, wearing slippers and she would always washed her feet in our toilet.  The next thing that she like would be washing her hands too.  

I was told that my grandmother passed away peacefully 'in her sleep' in the year 1988.  Look at the family photograph above.  The years have passed.  Four people were not here anymore.  They were my grandparents, my father and my third maternal uncle. And I was 'dead' and was 'raised' again...

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Destiny

 

2002: Family Photograph taken at Genting Highlands

I thought that Destiny lies in our hands but in actual fact, destiny lies in God's hands. 

We were separated for 2 years.  He had a new girlfriend before Clara was born.  I was so devastated and lost at that time when I gave birth to Clara.  However, Clara's birth was the easiest and very natural.  There was no need for vacuum suction and forceps.  I tried to give breastmilk, but too stressful.  So for Clara, she drank more of commercial milk that the maid helped to make.  

During the 2 years of separation, later on I had two relationships.  Christopher was very good to me.  However, Richard learned about it.  Then he desired to come back.  Was that the result of my prayer? It must be.  I never knew he would come back.  

So when he came back, we went Genting Highlands for vacation.  The above photograph was taken there.  I thought that that was our family photograph... 

 

Photograph of Richard and I taken on 30.4.1995 at St Joseph's Church (Bukit Timah)

I was brought up in Singapore, a typical Singaporean who is law abiding. We got registered on 7.1.1995 and we planned to have 2 children, one boy and one girl as what the government always shown in campaigns, 2 is enough.  At that time, we had everything planned, 2 children to be born 2 years of age gap so that I could bring them together to school and bring them back after school.  Last time the education system is such that there were 2 sessions -- morning and afternoon.  

But I was wrong.  Education system changed.  Nothing is forever the same.  Everything changes with time.  Soon there was only one session of school.  There were no more afternoon session.  

Knowing Richard, going dating with him and going to vacation and so on, we encountered fortune tellers.  Some we approached, some (or rather one or two) just came to us.  In my memory what the fortune teller said was in my mind.  But I just could not believe.  I decide everything myself and I control everything myself.  How is it possible that I can have 3 children?  That was what the fortune teller told me -- "You will have 3 children."  He added that Richard will have more children than me.  He said that Richard would be rich while I had just enough money to spend.  I will encounter help in my life.  I just could not believe so much about this fortune teller after he said I will have 3 children.  It seems too many for me...  

Family Planning: I did not know that Catholic is not supposed to use condom, but that was what we used to do.  At times Richard would use the natural method of counting the safe period.  But I got pregnant in the year 2002!  Who control our hormones now I think of that and who control our cycles?  Clara was conceived naturally since we wanted two children, and even having 2 before the age of 30 so that we can be waived from income tax (the policy at that time).  

The 2 children were still young and I was pregnant again!  It was torturous to be pregnant.  Being pregnant, I would have to lie down most of the time.  I could not do much work.  Thinking of that and my 2 other children need me, I did not know what to do.  Then suddenly a thought came to my mind:  "My sister also have abortion before!  And look at her, nothing happened to her!"   With this thought, my mind was make up.  

Soon I put IUD (a kind of family planning) inside my womb, as suggested by the doctor.  However some years later, it gave me problems and the gynae said it was rejecting from my body.  So it was taken out.  And from then on I am 'natural' again.  

And so the years passed by until Jesus came...

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