Aging and Death

 

Earlier days of me, probably 30 years old

Everyday I walked in the garden.  There were flowers and leaves and fruits, and even bird's nest now.  I saw the flowers withered and yellow leaves too.  The flowers are so transient.  Beauty too are transient.  The rose cactus flowers or the seven stars needle flowers, and most of the flowers, open only for a day and wither the next day!  I saw dead flowers on the floor, how wasted they are.  Yet the flowers dropped, fruits are formed.  

What is life?  We come to the earth and no one teach me what is life.  But we can see and learn from our surroundings.  Jesus wants us to choose spiritual life.  He assures us, "The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing" (John 6:63).  What is the most important thing in life?  What is even more important than food, drink, clothes, and a place to stay?  What is more important than education and a job?  Most of us value these highly.  Yet they help life only during our stay in this fleshly body-- which is all too brief!

Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.  You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.  Each man's life is but a breath (Psalm 39:4-5)

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes (James 4:13,14)

My father 12.10.38-25.1.21

Just like my father.  He too was young before, got married, had children and then aged, got sick and he left my mum and the children and grandchildren.  The living ones will be heartbroken at the loss.  The dead will be gone forever.  "The dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it" (Ecclesiastes 12:7)

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.  (1 John 2:17)

Fleshly life is brief and fading.  God's life is the opposite -- always bright, always whole, always fresh, never ending. Fleshly birth, by its very nature, can never be good enough for God's kingdom.  Flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable.  (1 Corinthians 15:50)

Believe in Jesus.  Turn to Jesus for forgiveness of sins and Follow Him.

He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die (John 11:25-26)

What others hopelessly call 'death' becomes our doorway into eternal happiness.  

The one who welcome us home is our Creator.  He is our Father .  He invites you and me to become children of God -- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God (John 1:12,13).

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Lamb of God

 

Jesus carrying the lamb picture at Church of St Anthony of Padua

My mother has four children.  My elder brother married young, and gave birth to their children very young also.  I was always fascinated with the chinese horoscope, the twelve zodiac animals.  I found out all the zodiac animals for every one in the family.  For all the newborn, I found out the zodiac animals too.  I told my mother that we have so many zodiac animals in our family, some even repeats eg.  My father and Eddy are both tiger,  Belinda, Thomas and Valerie are dogs.  What is missing in the family?  The goat.  The Lamb is missing.  

The initial Family of Six

I was pregnant in the year of the horse, 2002, but aborted the baby then.  If I had persevere and kept the baby, he would be born in the year of the goat, 2003.  However, I killed the lamb.  It was the lamb of God I killed... Then in the year 2008, Jesus saved me, the lost sheep...

Then in the year 2003, we bought Cebest, our special schnauzer dog.  Cebest was born in 2003, 2 May 2003, the year of the goat!  He was taken away unexpectedly to meet God in the year 2006.  

I also found out later on that my father-in-law was a 'goat', born on Valentine's Day even!  14.2.1943 if I am not wrong... He died on 30 November 2015...

My father-in-law carrying Isaac, 15 June 2011

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Evacuation of Uterus

 

Consent for Operation

The gynae asked me to sign the paper after I told him that I want to abort my baby.  At that time, the foetus was just 6 weeks old.  I signed the paper and was asked to pass the paper to the nurse.  It was mention that the nature and effect of the surgery was explained to me.  In actual fact, nothing was explained to me.  No explanation from the gynae.  No explanation from the nurse.  So I asked the nurse, what is the effects of the surgery, she did not tell me.  

In my mind was to  just abort the baby.  So I did not ask more already.  

I killed my baby on 8 October 2002

I don't know what effects the abortion will have on my body.  I don't know how it will affect me spiritually too.  I just knew that my sister had abortion before and she was fine.  So I should be fine too.  I thought that abortion is okay.  It did not occur to me that I was killing my baby at that time.  

I learned from my sister that in SGH, if you want to abort the baby, they will try to stop you from doing it.  They let you watch a video on how life is formed.  Over here at the clinic, nothing was done to stop me at all.  I think it was all fated anyway.  

After the abortion, the doctor helped me to insert IUD into my womb.  It is a birth control method recommended by the doctor.  For a few years, it was inside my uterus until 18 November 2004 whereby my IUD was removed.  The gynae said my body was rejecting the IUD.  So after that I had no birth control methods.  

In the year 2006, we slowly went back to the church, because my children started primary schools and I wanted them to start catechism class.  Going to church, I had totally forgotten that I had committed mortal sins and could not receive Holy Communion.  I received Jesus still... and in the end, I was felt broken.  Slowly I was on my way to conversion in the year 2007, and in the year 2008, I encountered God who told me about the existence of purgatory.   I went to church for confession and had my sins absolved and back home, I had the most wonderful bath of all -- I was reborn again in water and spirit...

I was pregnant again in 2008

After God and Jesus came, how can I repeat my same mistake?  I kept my baby at all cost in the year 2008, giving birth to a healthy baby in the year 2009.  

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Grandma

 

Isaac and my hand placed and aligned on each other 

Last night, I looked at Isaac's fingers.  They are so long!  So we put our hands together, aligned properly, and his fingers are now longer and his hands bigger than mine!  

My hand holding Isaac's hand on 25 May 2009

My 3 lovely children, taken on 25 May 2009

Today I brought Isaac to see doctor.  In the room, the doctor asked me, "Are you the grandma?"  

This is not the first time people thought that I am Isaac's grandma.  If Isaac's brother and sister get married young, perhaps I will become grandma.  Some of my cousins who are younger than me have become grandparents already.  My elder brother and sister are grandparents now too.  

To be addressed as grandma sound so old, and indeed I am getting old...

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