Today is my father's third year death anniversary. I took leave to attend the prayer that I had booked with the priest. At first my mother told me not to come here today because I need to go to work. However, I dreamed of him one morning. I realized that I had to come and see him. I don't want to miss a session of prayer to him.
Today, the priest asked us to choose a hymn. Johnny chose amazing grace. I thought it was a beautiful song and i could sing loud. However the moment I began singing the song, tears swelled up in my eyes. I could not control my voice also. I controlled my tears and I had to sing to myself instead.
The lyrics for Amazing Grace...
All the words for the song was so meaningful to me. The priest told us that my father was physically not present but he is still alive. It is our faith that can assured us that one day we will meet again...
In His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord, please show me everyday As You’re teaching me Your way, That you do just what You say in Your time.
In Your time, in Your time, You make all things beautiful in Your time. Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing, be to you a lovely thing in your time
Lord please show me everyday, As you're teaching me your way
That you do just what you say, in your time
In your time, in your time, You make all things beautiful, in your time
Lord my life to you I bring, May each song I have to sing,
Be to you a lovely thing, in your time
Be to you a lovely thing, in your time
Just like how God had communicated with me through the heart and mind, and through dreams, God will reveal himself to you in your life as well. He will do it in his time, as long as you sincerely ask him. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)
"God, please show yourself to me." This was what I asked for when I was young. But God did not show himself to me then. Perhaps God wants me to learn and experience life first and finally reveal himself in his time. Anyway, God showed up, communicated with me and what's next?
I need God to show me the way. Richard had left the family and he is now married. Soon after the paper work is done, he got married! He wore a cross on his neck. Is that what a disciple of Jesus should do?
Yesterday I looked through the old stuff and I found a photograph of my first holy communion. It says God Lives and God Loves. Take and eat, This is my body. Take and drink, This is my blood. Four decades ago, I was at the church receiving my first holy communion. What does it mean by God Lives? I do not even know. Now God still lives, but why is there a broken marriage now. We spent so much money on the wedding photographs and it was kept in the cupboard to collect dust. Then in the end we parted. He said Isaac is my birthday present, and he left us for another woman...
I need God to show me the way, guide me to my next chapter of life.
The wind was so strong, it started to rain also. Isaac and me went out to the corridor garden to check on the sunbird's egg. It was there. But later on, it was gone. How can it be? Then later the idea of being dropped out came to my mind. Then we began to look around. Finally I saw the egg in the pot, broken. Isaac said it must be the wind. Then he acted it out, holding the nest, swinging it like the wind did it, and it fell off from the nest.
Photograph showing the cracked sunbird's egg
The egg of the sunbird is just like the chicken egg, with orange egg yolk inside it, the only difference is the delicate shell and the size. The sunbird's egg is very small, just about 1cm in length.
Everyday I check the nest and there were no more eggs. What a pity and sad thing to have lost the only egg on Easter Sunday.
Photograph showing the empty tomb of Christ at Church of St Mary of the Angels
A Prayer stood beside the tomb: Lord, I stand before the tomb, confronted by fear, loss, grief and even death. As I face the uncertainties of the future -- I put my trust in the hands of the Father as you did yours and carry my cross in love. Give me the grace to trust and act that everything will fall in place in your perfect time.
May you, O Risen Christ, who have always been faithful to me, walk with me along my journeys. Open the scriptures and nourish me with sacrament of your presence -- that you will see me through the Good Friday's of my life and with your Holy Spirit give me the grace to enter the tomb and believe. Amen.
It's a different Easter this year. Father was gone and so our family was one lacking. However, now our family book for mass to attend. After mass, we will meet for breakfast and this small gathering of course is so precious.
Singaporeans are mostly law abiding and tends to 'listen' to the government. Otherwise there would be fines. So whatever they said people would tend to abide by them. How many women in my family follow this policy? My sister has 2 children, my sister-in-law also has two children. I used to think of only having 2 children too. However, I was wrong.
At the age of 38 I gave birth to another tiny human being. I had to carry my cross and bare all hardship to juggle my pregnancy with caring for the home and children. How precious is a life?
I had Isaac in my womb for nine months. I did not know how much it means to me until I was almost losing it at the time of birth.
There was bleeding and I quickly went to the hospital with Richard. At the hospital, I was asked to lay in the bed to rest.
Photograph of me at Mount Alvernia Hospital 2009
I stayed there for almost one two days and one night then I was pushed to the delivery ward. Over there, I still need to wait for the uterus to open up. It was early in the morning when I still need to wait for the doctor to arrive. By the time I had epidural and the doctor came it was quite some time. Finally the baby came out from my womb.
Isaac cried and the nurse carried him to show me. However later on, the doctor and nurse seemed to be doing something which I did not know. Later on I was informed by the doctor that the baby was in critical state. He was in the womb for too long, and he had eaten his own feaces. The baby was a bit blue. The doctor said the baby need to be pushed to the critical care unit.
At that moment, I was so scared of losing him. I did not want to carry him for nine months and lost him in the end. We prayed. I called home to the children and told them about it. I asked them to help to pray too. Luckily, soon Isaac was fine ultimately. We thanked God that he was well at that moment.
Today we celebrates my father's 48th day of his passing. Tomorrow will be 49th day. My mother cooked his favourite dishes and my brother bought his favourite food to pray to him.
Many years ago, before Jesus came, I would be scared that I would lost my parents one day. I always pray for their safety and for them to have a long life. I am scared that I would not be able to see them anymore should one day they died. However, after I had experienced 'death' and resurrection myself, I do not fear death anymore.
It was written in the scripture that Jesus died and resurrected. And in today's prayer at the columbarium, we had a reading from the first letter of St Paul to the Thessalonians -- 1Thess 4:13-18
Believers Who Have Died: Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Yes, I experienced it myself on that night of transcendence -- I was not sleeping. I was closing my eyes. Then at the point of transcendence, God came. My room was so filled with white light, so bright until even though I closed my eyes, my eyes could experience light. (No wonder St Paul's/Saul's eyes were blinded by the light of Jesus on the way to Damascus -- Acts 9:1-19 , for me I was so scared, I do not dare to open my eyes.) There were 3 flashes of light, and various sound I heard later on on both ears -- birds, dogs and wolves. After that it was victory at last with the blowing of the trumpet sound. It was dawn by then. Beside me was Richard, all asleep the whole while.
And my father often mention the words "Hock Wack" meaning Jesus 复活。 So I believe my father will be resurrected too.
This is a picture of me and my father. I must thank my sister for being the photographers for families events. Without her, I would have no memoir to keep. I must also thank my father for supporting me, paying all the education fees for my studies. And yet I had not repay him...
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)
I learned this song during my catechism class. I did not like to attend catechism class last time. My attendance was very bad. One day, my mother dragged me till opposite the church. But I just refused to attend the class...
It was just a song that I learned at that time. It probably had no meaning at all at that time. However, things were different ever since Jesus came. God told me that there were purgatory and my sins were forgiven. Prior to this, I went to the church to confess my sins.
Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. (Matthew 9:12)
I was sick and dead. Jesus came to the sinner's house. I am so touched. He had died to save me. It's bliss I found. I want to Pass it on.
Jesus once told a story about a cute little lamb that lived in a pasture with 99 other sheep. The shepherd took very good care of his sheep. He fed them, gave them water, and chased away wild animals. But one day, the shepherd noticed his lamb was missing. Right away, he left the other 99 and went looking. When he found the lamb he rejoiced.
Now when I listened to this song, I can feel God's love. It feels so good that I am being saved. So I want to invite you to come to Jesus and experienced His love.
It took me 38 years for God to answer my prayer. God answers prayer -- I wondered why God never speak to people in present life, but only Spoken in the past. So God still speak to us.
Follow Jesus. Jesus said: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6).
